Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
