you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
God, I missed his penis.
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