ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
