My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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