Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
