tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
