Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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