fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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