ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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