did you get engaged???
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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