How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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