Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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