Don't make out with my wife yet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
