And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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