Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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