my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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