All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
