I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
