Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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