i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
