She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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