Kiss
Puke
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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