Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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