one word: firstdatebathroomanal
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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