So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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