Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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