those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
