mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
