Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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