You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
