I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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