Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I touched a dick in church today
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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