obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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