Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
