i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
