About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
