He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
MIDGETS
????
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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