new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
