3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Randomize
