I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
