I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
