I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
