But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
