just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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