I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
