Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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