it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
