TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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