K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
