so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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