one two three fourrrrnication!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
