I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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