Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
