I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
