You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't just leave with hair like that
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
