I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
