Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
