it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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