I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
