All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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