I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
