I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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