So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
