If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
