I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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