why didn't you poke me back
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
