Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
