we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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