my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
