Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
