We're facebook friends in real life
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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