just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
