Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
