dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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