Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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