well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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