so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
