even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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