I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
