True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
