I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
