ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
