He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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