I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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