i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
