Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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